Eye-Makeup Bloglette

  Yaaay, makeup!  Okay, I know I said we were going to talk about lipstick, but I liiiieeeed.  We're gonna do eyes instead.  Just a quickie, I promise I won't bloviate on my favorite products foreverrrr like usual.   Using mostly the MUFE Flash Palette that I can't stop talking about, since the colors are super bright and usually last through a long night of clubbing without too much wear.  Eyeliner is MUFE also, duh, it's the one I always use.  The shadows...the shadows don't really matter because neither is of any quality or wearability.  Just a couple of drugstore shades, don't mind us.

 

  I've been working on that weird drag queen/Russian human-barbie thing where you paint your tear line and under the lash white to make your eyes appear bigger, which worked to some success here.  The white's a bit too stark, but it still had a fun alien-eye affect. 

  Really loving the yellow on the inner eye, which I stole from a look Alexis Mateo did on RuPaul's Drag Race, natch.  Here it is pre-lashes. Never mind my super-hairy eyebrows - the camera adds ten hairs, at least.







  Aaaand, the finished product, with a harsh hairdo and earrings, black lipstick (you have to have a neutral with all this color, riiight?) and big-ass fake lashes.  I think I just did this for a fun club look, any case I recall the bartender being all, "girrllll your eyes look awesomme!"  (Fist pump!!!)

Eyebrows for Days

  Yes, I know, massive blog neglect has occurred.  Don't try to make me feel bad about it, or I'll throw out some excuses about the holidays, and how it's tough to keep a nice mani when you're doing a lot of painting and gluing.  My nails have been as neglected as my blog, sadly...there hasn't been any truly spectacular artsy shit in a while, so let us allow the blog to transition to a more all-encompassing cosmetic theme.  Nails will always be my fave, but let's be honest - I love makeup.  Just fucking love the stuff.  And ever since I decided to start spending a mint on each stick of eyeliner I buy, I'm even more into it.  I hate to say this, but more expensive makeup is just better (to an extent.  Some brands are outrageously priced, and on certain products it's better to comparison shop, natch.)

  ANYHOO my current cosmetic obsession is colored eyebrows.  It's so cheeky and unexpected, and I do so love to make a statement!  I also think it can be quite chic if done right, if I do say so myself.
  I have gigantic, formidable eyebrows, which I do not want to shave off, so I end up using quite a bit of product to get the colors I want.  Sometimes, I'll do a quick swipe of the brows with a gluestick - I know, I know - it seems weird, but it's an awesome drag trick to keep your bushy babies in check, nice and smooth and flat and ready to be painted!
 
  Painting my brows is also definitely my favorite use for the Makeup Forever flash palette we talked about back in Halloween.  It pretty much requires a powder top coat though, and luckily I have pretty much every color of eyeshadow one could imagine, but in case I don't have an exact match, I alwayyyssssss use Swagger finishing powder, which I also gave a lengthy blowjob to in the Halloween post.  Full disclosure, I am friends with the gorgeous creature behind Swagger Cosmetics, but I pay for the products I use, and I wouldn't lie to you - I am goddamn obsessed with this stuff.  I bought some for my little sister for Christmas, and now she's obsessed with it, too!  It keeps my face looking matte and feeling softer than a baby's ass, I tell ye.

  Actually, while we're at it, here's a pic of a recent purchase from Swagger, with a close-up of the finishing powder.  Look how cute!

  Everything came wrapped like little candies with a note and a few shadow samples, too!  Oh yeah, I suppose I'll mention that pink blush that I also bought.  The photo on the website makes it look quite a bite more orangey than it is in reality - my photo is truer to life, it's very bubble-gummy, but rubs in slightly darker and richer than it looks in the jar.  I'm obsessed with it right now, I've been wearing it preeetty much daily.

  Okay, okay, on to the eyebrows.  This whole obsession started with a costume I wore to a cheeky underground queer dance part that had a "virgin sacrifice" theme.  I was experimenting with white eye makeup and my virginal costume slowly morphed into what I dubbed alien baby.  Seemed like a logical conclusion, right?  And it was one of those parties where the aim of the game is outdo all my friends with my craaazay costume!! 

   Cool!  Freaky!  This ended up being probably one of the most well received looks I've done in a while, I'll admit I was quite pleased.  I also made a cyberish orange vinyl peter pan collar last minute - nice and easy because it requires almost no sewing!  Yay, vinyl!  

  Anyhoo, as all good things begin, I was sitting alone, probably watching TV-on-the-Internet, and decided it was a good occasion to fuck with makeup.  I like to have some time to play with an idea before I wear it out, especially if it's a club look.   Lord knows it'll ruin my entire timeline if I fuck up and have to wash my whole face off and start again!  People just don't know!  Oh, the prep work, hunty! 


  Here I am doing a little neon-face action.  It's clear from our experiments that pink eyebrows are awesome, and yellow eyebrows are not-so-awesome.  (Oh, all of this eyebrow gunk is MUFE flash palette, fyi.)  I'm also wearing the pink Swagger blush - and quite a lot of it, here.  These are unfiltered webcam photos, and the colors are accurate for once! 






  So with a clear verdict, I wore the pink out to da club.  Since it's such a bright color, I did cold black and white makeup everywhere else.  Statement brows, people.  I also did a little heavy-drag eyeliner experiment.

On the left, before da club.  On the right, after.  I did do much dancing, but it held up nicely!

  Now, pink brows are obviously the most awesome and my personal favorite as well (coincidence!) but it's a little too clubby for the office, I believe.  I like to mess around at the office with freaky makeup while still biz'casualin it up in the outfit department.  I love to test the boundaries of the dress code, ask my mother and she'll confirm it's been a lifelong hobby of mine.  If I'm gonna go clown-brow at the office, I prefer a dark shade in keeping with my natural color palette, so that means purple or royal blue!




 The blue does not photograph well, and it looks really weird in this pic, like just the front bit is blue!  Ugh, it's much better in real life, but subtle enough that it's pretty easy to wear on the daily.

  Then I decided to go whole purple-face with the brows, because I couldn't resist using this gorgeoussss new lippy called The Purple Cloud by Portland Black Lipstick Co., who make totally awesome and unconventional lip colors.  I found out about them via a Beautylish article.  I picked out four shades, and some of the shades I bought are a little dry because they're so pigment heavy, but I'd prefer a drier shade that stays put than something that's going to make a big, weird-colored mess on my face and come off on every face I kiss.  I touch of Burt's Bees before application and it's perfecto.  Also, none of the pigments get all chunky like with some brands I've tried recently.  (We'll talk about that later!!!)  I don't want to parse it all out right now because lippy reviews don't belong in eyebrow posts.  Suffice it to say this brand has a lot of colors you will never find elsewhere, and I recommend them!! 
  Ok now, this purple...this purple is awesome.  It's super rich and creamy and smells oh-so-slightly of mint - just lovely!!  It feels good and stays put all day, I didn't have any feathering at all! Now, I feel I must qualify my gushy review of this brand.  If you know me at all, you already know this; but if you don't, then listen to me now!  If there's one thing I love, it's weird shades of lipstick.  Obsessed.  A nice, all-day-wearable freaky lippy is haaard to find!  People don't knowww! So when I find a great one, I need to talk about it.  Love dis shit!


  I think with that, I will conclude this photo-orgy of a post.  Tune in next time
(I can't make any promises of when that will be) and I'll talk more about lipstick your grandmother wouldn't like and whether it's worth your dime.
 

Craft Fair Cometh

  Hey friiieennnnds, time for a little bit of shameless shelf promotion!!  I've got a booth at the local Capitol Hill Indoor Flea Market this Saturday, November 24th, from which to hawk my various wares!  I'm teaming up with my fabulous friend Vi, who makes adorable plushy penises which she fashions into ornaments and catnip toys!  They're charming and hilarious - nothing like watching your precious feline prince fellate a catnip cock to give you the giggles! 

Here, for your edification, is my fat pet Nigel with his newest chew-toy.

  Meanwhile, I'll have my schizoid collection of gaudy costume jewelry to tempt you with.  Featuring a fanciful array of shrinky-dink charms and the always-classy gold glitter tooth pendants, plus some super-exciting one-of-a-kind goodies, like itty-bitty wearable aquariums!  It's the perfect place to start your holiday shopping and deliver something unique and special!

Come visit me on Saturday!!

MOAR HALLOWEEN!!!

  Halloween is seriously my fave holiday, I never want it to end.  In fact, I'm going to another costume party today, this time with my awesome family!  Also, why didn't I post this picture with my last post?!  It's awesome, if I do say so myself!

  You always get to do the best makeup on Halloween, and this year I made sure to get deep in that MUFE flash palette, since I paid for the damn thing, I might as well get the most out of it!

  My beautiful friend Britt let me beat her face for a 'harlequin clown' look, and I gotta say I'm pretty proud of how it turned out!  I have a lot of experience painting my own face, but I tend to get the shakey hand when trying to do anyone else's!

 

  The whole face is MUFE flash palette, set with all-important Swagger finishing powder.  As I live and breathe! TELL ME that is not the cutest clown you have ever seen!

  Oh my gosh, how cute is this outfit, too??  Crinolines for life, babies!  I have a gigantic steamer trunk full of pantyhose and tutus, I LIVE for that shit!

Happy Halloween!

  Ahh yes, boys and ghouls, it's the most wonderful time of the year again!  I'm talking about Halloween...what did you think I meant?!  I can't get enough of kitschy decor, fake blood, and fun-sized candy bars!!

Such a shame I didn't get a proper shot of my lovely neck scar, which you can barely see here!

  OK first let me just talk about my costume makeup for just a second here.  I was really pleased with how this look turned out!  I wanted a green face without having to cover myself in greasy makeup, but I didn't want to end up with a bloodless zombie face, so powder was out!
  I have this epic palette of high-end grease paints from Make Up For Ever that I am absolutely obsessed with!  The green on my face is straight from the palette with no added tints.  The colors are rich and beautiful and I absolutely adore it, but caveat emptor: these paints are greasy as fuck.  Now, I'm an oily-faced lass to begin with, but these are pretty insanely slippery when you first put them on!  This means a few things, both good and bad.  Happily, this makes it insanely easy to apply and also to fix any mistakes once you've got it on your face.  Unfortunately, it also means you need to give it proper time to cook, girl.  Gotta let that shit just SIT THERE for a good hour before I feel confident.   
  Additionally, it pretty much requires a finishing powder, so you're stuck with a velvet finish whether you want it or not.  I use Swagger finishing powder, which I ALSO freaking love.  Now, I love MUFE, but their finishing powder is half the size and twice the price, and it is made of exactly the same thing!!  WHAT in the WHAT, girl!   Don't be dumb, comparison shop.  And support small business!  The whole Swagger line is handmade by the divine Blake Karamazov in San Francisco!  We will be revisiting her again soon, to be sure...
  The lips are Jamaica by Ka'Oir, which is pretty great, too.  It's pretty creamy, and suuuper pigmented, so you don't have to put a heaping ton on to turn normal-girl-colored lips green!  I'm not crazy about the way it smells, but it's a small quibble.  I mean, it's not like it stinks.  It's fairly long-lasting and comfortable to wear, so I would recommend it.  The brand has all the freaky colors you have been wanting but unable to find.
  The eyeliner is a cream liner by MUFE, which I used on my stitches as well.  This shit is the BOOOOOMB!!!  I will never use liquid liner again, I swear to you.  This stuff is the total opposite of the paint palette - it's super waxy and dries quickly!  It stays richly black and flexible all day, too - no crusty, flaky business.  PLUS it doesn't require a powder to stay in place. Hurrah! Well worth the price.  I love it so much I would marry it. 
  My skin has nothing but mineral powder and the soft, forgiving sheen of my webcam's meager flash.

 

Completing the look with a Bride of Frankenstein bouffant and some gangrenous sutures!

  Now I've been dying to try a little spooky dripping blood look on my nails, but red just wasn't gonna match my Frankenstein ensemble, so I went with neon orange and green spooky slime!  I love neons, but they are almost always a slightly translucent gel, which is not great for coverage over dark colors, and naturally I needed a black backdrop for my Nickelodeon-colored slime nails.  Solution?  Mix one drop of white polish to four or five drops of neon polish, and viola! You have opaque neons!  Sure, they end up being a slightly paler hue, but once you've got it on your hands, no one will be the wiser!

To paint the slime, I used a combination of a thin, stout nail brush, and a small dotting tool.  The dotting tool was great for applying even coverage and achieving the drips.  In fact, the dotting tool is the most useful for this look.  I highly recommend using something similar, but in a pinch, a nice toothpick or even a dry (and cleaned!) ball-point pen will do lovely!  Be sure to wipe the tip every couple of dots to keep your tool precise and your polish from getting gooey.

Pretty sure these pants are the backdrop to 50% of my photos...

Double Dots Day!

  Well, it's been a wacky couple of weeks since I last updated, and since I made sure to buy a round-trip ticket to Crazytown, I was happily able to come back!  I've since done quite a lot of "housekeeping" in my life, and now I think I'm ready to come back to getting my happy on about my nails.  And, and, aaaand!  I have some exciting new designs to share in the coming weeks, so stay tuned!  Not only that, but some hotly-anticipated mail will be arriving soon to my mailbox, and I'll finally have something other than manicures to share!!

  But enough chitty-chatty, let's get down to the business of polka-dots!  I adore polka-dotted nails, but I'm not keen on the stamper (I ordered some piece of shit version that doesn't work as well as my friend's "As Seen On TV" version - bah!) and dots are so hard to make with a brush!  Happily, whilst trolling Amazon I found a set of ball-point pens in various sizes, specifically for making dots and water marbling!  These little mofo's are a revelation, I tell you! 

  Let me warm you up by showing you how my stinky toes turned out!  I was attempting a comic-book gradient with a pepto-pink background (some new Revlon that I can't recall the name of) with white dots.  I used a few different sizes of the pointer tool to achieve a variety of sizes of dots - I tried to graduate the sizes to give the impression of a fade - to limited success, I think.  As always, the rest of my toenails get an abridged version of the design...they're just too small to give a shit about!

  Not quite finished with the comic-book theme, I decided to try out a little party-nail action on my fingers.  I used Sally Hansen's Smooth & Perfect in Dune as the base coat.  I have mentioned this color before, and I think I'm gaining more of an appreciation for it - it's nearly clear, and it works like a mineral powder - just makes my nails look like a more perfect version of their natural selves!  Also, it's not a pink-tinted sheer, which makes it unique!

 I've done a slightly-offset two-color diagonal grid pattern here.  The offsetting is what gives this look it's graphic, Lichtenstein-esque quality.

  Surprisingly, the higher contrast color combinations ended up looking a lot better - my favorite combo ended up being the orange/blue (left ring finger).  I had initially thought a more subtle blend would be the answer, but you can see on the yellow/green green/orange combination, that this was kind of a fail.  Perhaps a brighter background would have given the colors some pop, but you know how I feel about white nail polish....

50 Shades of Grey

  Let me start off by saying I hate myself for that title, but I just couldn't think of any other puns on the color grey.  So, I'm sorry, but the awful title stays, because it's too perfect for a post all about how much I loooooove grey nail polish!!
  I love it because it's perfectly neutral without being all gothy and black, and it just looks soooo classy!  Besides, mattes have been really in this season and grey is just so hot right now!  I also love grey as a base when doing really any fun nail designs, because I find that it's easier to use than white polish, both in terms of number of coats needed and quality of polish,* but it's almost just as bright, so you can make your detail colors really pop.  (*Seriously, can we talk about white nail polish for a second?  Like, why is it always, no matter how much you spend on it, the thickest, goopiest crap of all time?  I mean it - my Wet 'n' Wild is equal in quality to my OPI.  They're both fucking horrid.  Sometimes I think we were better off back in the WhiteOut-as-nail-polish days of yore.  And streaky.  Always streaky, so you need at least two coats to make it even.  But it's so thick that it's way heavy at even just two coats, which makes it start chipping the moment it dries?  Ugh. Ugh. Ughhh.  Anyway...)

  Now that I've finished talking about how much I hate white nail polish, (not the way it looks! I love that part!) here's a look with white nail polish!  Super simple white half-moons.  I love a good monochromatic manicure, too, so bonus!  The white is OPI, the grey is Revlon Top Speed in Hazy.  Love this shade, it's one of my favorites.  White half-moons are typically done on nude nails, like a reverse French, but I love using a surprising shade for the main color.  It's playful while remaining totally chic.  Perfect.


  My current nail obsession is ombre glitter.  It's incredibly easy to do right and make it look like a pro job!  You want to use a glitter with a clear polish base - the great thing about clear bases is that any brush strokes and roughness is magically erased with a top coat - not so with colored gel bases.  And you are going to need a top-coat to gloss over the mountain of glitter if you try this look.

Sigh, stupid camera.  Top photo has most accurate color.

  It's a simple process: I did my longest layer first, letting the brush drip heavy at the base of my nail, and taper off to nothing by the time I got to the tip, actually stopping the brushstroke before I reached the end of my nail.  After that base layer dried, I just dabbed with my brush, concentrating at the base, and using the brush to really push the glitter into the places that I wanted it.  It's easy to play around with the glitter to get it looking just how you want it.  Finish with a nice, thick top coat.  Looks awesome starting from the tip, too.

  This is the same grey as above, only looking totes diff!  Awesome!  The glitter is Sephora by OPI in Spark-tacular!  (God, these names....)  But really, this is an awesome polish, and I love it so much I just might marry it.  The photos barely do it justice, but I tried, which is why you get to behold it in blurry realism and also with wrinkle-and-blemish heightening flash!  How lucky for you!

  Now, I really thought I had more lovely grey manicures to share today.  I guess this is not much at all like 50 Shades of Grey, except that trying to photograph that grey was torture.  (Ba-dum tsschhh!  I'll be here all week...)